Rest assured that Damien Sandow did not arrive in WWE to allow a decline in its moral value to continue.

The cultured combatant intends to imbue a level of refinement within the WWE Universe that he finds sorely lacking. The kids who play too many video games, the adults who idolize singing competitions and struggle to keep up with Kim Kardashian … They are the ones who need help.  Sandow seeks to uplift those who have been led along a misguided path. To the WWE Superstars who allow and encourage such crass situations to endure, Sandow will deliver a mandatory rearing in the form of spiritual and physical enlightenment.

The Superstar’s sophisticated in-ring style elevates him above those who would dare to muster a challenge. The tasteful titan may be misunderstood, but so would you if you had a philosopher’s mind with a linebacker’s body. An esteemed intellectual of Sandow’s stature simply cannot help that his opponents fall so far short of his high-minded ways.

Hold your applause for WWE’s new champion of civility, however. There’s no need to thank Sandow for taking up this hefty endeavor, as the realization of a world aspiring to his personal sense and sensibilities will be thanks enough.

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Sunday, June 10th, 2012
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